Naming individuals can be stupid

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In my land of birth, Australia, an incredible problem has always existed. People often don't have the courage to use officially-given names. They replace them by shortened versions or colloquial names. And this trivial refusal to use correct names has ended up undermining whatever's left of everyday culture Down Under. I imagine that most outsiders are unaware of this ridiculous problem, which has attained astronomical proportions. Many silly terms substituted for given names are absurd, and have weak linguistic links to the original names, or maybe none at all. Here are several examples:

William > "Bill"
Margaret > "Peggy"
Richard > "Dick"
Susan > "Sue"
James > "Jim"
Catherine > "Kitty"
Robert > "Bob"
Dorothy > "Dot"
Thomas > "Tom"
Michael > "Mick"

This Aussie naming phenomenon has little to do with endearment or brevity. It's simply a silly habit that can neither be explained nor shaken off. I'm unaware of any academic thesis in Australian sociology that has traced the history and consequences of this ridiculous phenomenon. Australians themselves are generally so accustomed to this national absurdity that they rarely even think of it. It's what being an Aussie is all about. You either like it, ignore it or you leave.

This ridiculous habit in Australian society has annoying consequences. For example, some former friends in Australia get annoyed when I tell them that my official name has always been William Skyvington. They're so accustomed to antiquated nicknames from my school years that, when I point out that they should cease to call me "Bill" or "Billy", they see me as a snob. Some even get upset, and go out of their way to tell me that I'm an asshole. The most amazingly ridiculous case took place a few days ago, quite by chance. I had been in constant contact for many months with an Australian female school-friend named "Jan" (no doubt an abbreviation for Janet). At one stage, I happened to be repeating my negative opinions about the weak state of Australian journalism. My quite objective statements surely offended the lady, and she wanted to let me know that I'd hurt her. And how did she get her message across to me? Believe it or not, she suddenly decided spontaneously—for the first time since the start of our e-mail communications, many months ago—to drop my William name and address me as... "Bill". Who was the true dumb asshole? Me or her? I'll let you decide.

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